Sad and Lonely

Some days I have this feeling that I'm loosing out on things, or being left out. I have such a stressed and crazy life right now all I do is worry.

With my family on the fritz I'm constantly working to help fix it. I know I shouldn't worry about helping my parents but that's just who I am. I always help where I'm needed or not. I can't help it. This time there isn't much for me to do but lend an ear or shoulder to cry on. It takes most of my time away from me. I'm neglecting others in my life.

Just this morning I found out that I've been missing out on my best friend Leslie. I haven't talked to her for a while. It's even been longer since I've seen her. We used to do a lot together and now she's found someone else to do things with. I miss her and I want to see her more. Our schedules never seam to be on the same page. I work grave shift and she works a nine to five. On my weekends off she usually has plans with Dustin and Laura or I never have any money. The last time we hung out we all went to the bar together. I had too much to drink but we all had so much fun. I'm always afraid to drink in front of Les now. I'm a very happy drunk. I don't care what people think about me when I'm drunk. I'm loud and crazy. Leslie doesn't really like me like that. But she's the same way when she's drunk. I just miss her so much. I never have anything going on so there's not much to invite her too. But she always seams to be doing something and I feel left out.

I feel so lonely right now sitting here in my bed by myself. Lying awake after Vern went off to work. I hate his work so bad. It caused nothing but pain in my life. Vern doesn't make as many hours as he used to. The constant rising of gas and everything else has put a dramatic drop in his business as a Honda Technician. We never have money for anything. We miss out on a camping trip a few weeks ago. My friend and everyone else went. Why can't I fit everyone into my life the way I want them to be?

My Birthday is in a little over two weeks. I tried to plan a Wendover trip but not many people can make it. Leslie and Ben will be in Minnesota, Dustin and Laura will be gone too. Even Vern might not be able to come. It's just going to be me and Tyrell. That's if I can scrounge up some money to even go. I might as well forget it.

I hate feeling so depressed. I hate how crazy and stressed my life is right now. I need something to do besides sit at home.

A new house

I am so excited. I finally get to move into a nice house. Vern and I went and talked to the couple that are renting out there three bedroom, two and a half bathroom, two car garage town house. It's located just north/west of Jordan Landing. We arranged a security deposit already. We move in during the last week of September. I'm so excited!!! The house is only four years old. There is so much room. The master bed and bath are bigger then most. I get to have my first walk in closet. It's so big I could put a bed in it!!! The neighborhood is great, the people seam nice. The best part we'll be closer to more friends and family. The bad part is I'm going to be farther from my parents and my best friend. It will be a great year!!!

Im addicted

I'm officially addicted to Anime!! First of all I love cartoons. I always have. But Anime is so much more interesting. So far I've watched all of the Full Metal Alchemist, Ikkitousen ( up to date anyway) And now I've started Death Note.

I'm also addicted to Avatar The Last Air Bender. An American made Anime. The third and final season is Finlay over. It was amazing!! I knew how it was going to end but there were just some specific details I never expected!! The way the Fire Lord was defeated. Wow it was something I didn't even think could be done by the Avatar. Zuko was amazing. His bending has really exceeded in power. The end results were so exhilarating.

Let's just say I'm a fanatic. I know its strange but it's more common these days to like Anime!! I'm to a point to where I'll pay and extra $20 a month on cable just to get the Anime channel.

This weekend

Vern's dad has invited us up to Rock Springs for the weekend. All expenses paid. We don't have much money it being the end of the month and all. We'll leave tomorrow when I get home from work. Then that night we'll most likely go to Applebees or Coyote Creek for dinner then to a bar afterwords. Then on Sunday its a day at the lake with wave runners!!! I'm so excited!! I'll be trashed Sunday night but hope fully I can make it to Piper Down to karaoke with Becky.

It's going to be another event full weekend!!!

Family Reunion

This past weekend Vern and I went down to Kadacome Basin for his family reunion. My dad came with us along with Preston. (I wasn't about to leave him alone all weekend) My niece Cadence came as well. We left Friday and got there late. We set up camp and I passed out with the little ones. On Saturday I woke early with the dogs and the Babies. I made breakfast and when everyone was finally awake we meet up withe the other family's and set off on a hike. We made it back to camp and the kids and I took a nap. We mad sandwiches for lunch.

Saturday night we had the famous Dutch Oven cook off. Summer and I made a dish we got from her mom. It took two hours to cook and at the end everyone loved it. We tied for first and plays Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine the winner. We won! after that we had the talent show. I left early and took the kids to bed. I fell asleep too.

Sunday we all gathered back together to make a huge Breakfast. Bacon, eggs, hash browns. and Pancakes. Yum!! We left shortly after that. Dad the kids and I left first. We were not even an hour out when some ones cooler lid hit our car. It would have been a horrible accident if dad hadn't reacted the way he did. We were very thankful that we had said a prayer before we left. The kids slept through the whole thing. We got home around five and i was asleep by seven. Taking car of two toddlers all weekend out in the blistering hot sun is tuff work.

My Crazy Family

Well this past month has been a doosey for me. My mother decided to move out of her house and take my brother with her. She's left all the house responsibilities to my dad. She wont help with the payment or help fix the house so they can sell it. She doesn't even care if she looses money on it. She is still smoking and partying. It really bothers me that she acts like a single 20 year old. She never listens to what we have to say so I guess we have to wait and see what she does with her life.

My brother is doing well despite of all the things that are happening. He has picked up extra shifts at work and spends all his free time at the high school football meets that have just started. He loves helping them out. I still feel that he is harboring his feelings.

Carissa is surprisingly doing quite well. She has started dating my friend Chris. He is an amazing guy. He has a football player build and is about six foot. A buckle at your knees smile and a gold metal personality. He is a professional BMXer and has a full time job as well. He really likes my sister and spends as much time with her as she can. He is so great with my nephew. Though Preston still isn't sure what to think of him.

Dad on the other had isn't holding himself together well. He breaks down easily and talks about my mom all the time. He looks to me for support and encouragement. He's been talking suicidal but claims he's still here because of Preston. I honestly don't think he could take his own life and hurt us that way. I pray for his happiness everyday.

All in all I really hope things work out soon so we all can go back to being happy with each other.

Update on Vern and I

Well lets see, Vern and I have been doing great. We're still going strong and heve been getting along great. I finally got my car back from Wes, It's so clean now and smells good. If only I can get vern to put a radio in it. Vern has new hours at work. He starts at 7:30 now and he can get off as early as 5:00. Its nice to see him more often. I also have a new schedule. I finaly have all my saturdays off and only work every other sunday. This way I get to see Vern more often.

Vern got his breaks on his bike fixed and has been ridding non stop. He has been so much happier this past month. His dad has moved back to Rock Springs and is down here all the time. It really makes Vern happy to see him so much. His dad seams happier too. He finally gets a chance to get to know me better and to see his granddaughter as well.

We're working on selling our truck, but so far it's not going well. My sister has it right now cause she is careless. She really needs to just go back to work and buy her own. But, the good sister I am I'm letting her be lazy.

Vern had a job interview last Friday. He said it went well. I really hope he gets it. I'm very tired of his job now. He doesn't make enough money all the time and his boss is an ass hole. His job stresses him out too much. This new job would make our life so much easier. He would bring home three times as much money and work less hours. All I can do is pray he gets it.