Sad and Lonely

Some days I have this feeling that I'm loosing out on things, or being left out. I have such a stressed and crazy life right now all I do is worry.

With my family on the fritz I'm constantly working to help fix it. I know I shouldn't worry about helping my parents but that's just who I am. I always help where I'm needed or not. I can't help it. This time there isn't much for me to do but lend an ear or shoulder to cry on. It takes most of my time away from me. I'm neglecting others in my life.

Just this morning I found out that I've been missing out on my best friend Leslie. I haven't talked to her for a while. It's even been longer since I've seen her. We used to do a lot together and now she's found someone else to do things with. I miss her and I want to see her more. Our schedules never seam to be on the same page. I work grave shift and she works a nine to five. On my weekends off she usually has plans with Dustin and Laura or I never have any money. The last time we hung out we all went to the bar together. I had too much to drink but we all had so much fun. I'm always afraid to drink in front of Les now. I'm a very happy drunk. I don't care what people think about me when I'm drunk. I'm loud and crazy. Leslie doesn't really like me like that. But she's the same way when she's drunk. I just miss her so much. I never have anything going on so there's not much to invite her too. But she always seams to be doing something and I feel left out.

I feel so lonely right now sitting here in my bed by myself. Lying awake after Vern went off to work. I hate his work so bad. It caused nothing but pain in my life. Vern doesn't make as many hours as he used to. The constant rising of gas and everything else has put a dramatic drop in his business as a Honda Technician. We never have money for anything. We miss out on a camping trip a few weeks ago. My friend and everyone else went. Why can't I fit everyone into my life the way I want them to be?

My Birthday is in a little over two weeks. I tried to plan a Wendover trip but not many people can make it. Leslie and Ben will be in Minnesota, Dustin and Laura will be gone too. Even Vern might not be able to come. It's just going to be me and Tyrell. That's if I can scrounge up some money to even go. I might as well forget it.

I hate feeling so depressed. I hate how crazy and stressed my life is right now. I need something to do besides sit at home.