The Best Day of the Year

Today Is in my opinion the best day of the year! It's my Birthday and I turned 23 today. It's crazy to think that I'm in my early 20's. I feel old sometimes but that's what being an adult does to you in this world. I'm so young yet I want so many things that are just out of my reach.

These past 23 years have been amazing. I've done so much already and yet I keep adding to the list. I am very thankful for my life and all of those who have been in it and are still in it. I am proud of my accomplishments and I am very excited for those to come!

I hope to graduate collage in the next three years. Its real hard for me to take more then one class at a time right now but I'll make it through. nursing school is going to be real hard but very worth it!

I hope to have children sometime in the next five years. I feel obligated to wait till Vern is ready, even though I've been ready.

I hope to buy a house in the next two years. Our fiances and credit have put us more behind then we hopped.

There are many small things that I hope to accomplish over the years as well.
Traveling over the ocean is going to be accomplished this year. We have to opportunity to go to Hawaii for a vacation in October. Possible by Vern's father.

Life is so great and there is just no time to do everything in it!! I hope my next 23 years are even better then these past years.

I love you all and thanks for making my life worth everything.

My poor baby

So it has come to that time. Zuko my little baby has to have surgery. "No more waiting." Says the Doctor. We have a few weeks to come up with a $1000+ to pay for it. I"m not sure what to do.

Zuko will be a year old next month. His balls have not dropped yet and the Vet fears they will not and will possibly turn cancerous. So Zuzu has to have exploratory surgery to find and remove them. We had hoped to breed him at least once, but won't be able to.

It will be hard to see him suffer the first few days. He'll have to ware one of those cone collars. My poor baby, he's too young for surgery. (sigh)

The Hospital

Last night I was rudely disturbed by my sister at 1:30 am. Only to be informed that my 72 year old grandmother had possibly had a stroke. I rushed up to Davis hospital meeting my parents, my sister, and my aunt. The Doctor did a series of test and found out that she had not had a stroke but had passed out do to heart problems and lack of oxygen. Among other things she is only using 30% of one kidney while the other is not being used at all. So safe to say she is doing all right. I stayed with her at the hospital so everyone else could go home and get some sleep. They hooked up a small heart monitor to her to record her heart and oxygen intake. I took her home around 5 am and stayed with her until 9 am. My aunt checked on her this afternoon and my mother has been there most the evening. Tomorrow we find out what her heart has been doing. Hopefully they can figure something out to better herself.

Sad and Lonely

Some days I have this feeling that I'm loosing out on things, or being left out. I have such a stressed and crazy life right now all I do is worry.

With my family on the fritz I'm constantly working to help fix it. I know I shouldn't worry about helping my parents but that's just who I am. I always help where I'm needed or not. I can't help it. This time there isn't much for me to do but lend an ear or shoulder to cry on. It takes most of my time away from me. I'm neglecting others in my life.

Just this morning I found out that I've been missing out on my best friend Leslie. I haven't talked to her for a while. It's even been longer since I've seen her. We used to do a lot together and now she's found someone else to do things with. I miss her and I want to see her more. Our schedules never seam to be on the same page. I work grave shift and she works a nine to five. On my weekends off she usually has plans with Dustin and Laura or I never have any money. The last time we hung out we all went to the bar together. I had too much to drink but we all had so much fun. I'm always afraid to drink in front of Les now. I'm a very happy drunk. I don't care what people think about me when I'm drunk. I'm loud and crazy. Leslie doesn't really like me like that. But she's the same way when she's drunk. I just miss her so much. I never have anything going on so there's not much to invite her too. But she always seams to be doing something and I feel left out.

I feel so lonely right now sitting here in my bed by myself. Lying awake after Vern went off to work. I hate his work so bad. It caused nothing but pain in my life. Vern doesn't make as many hours as he used to. The constant rising of gas and everything else has put a dramatic drop in his business as a Honda Technician. We never have money for anything. We miss out on a camping trip a few weeks ago. My friend and everyone else went. Why can't I fit everyone into my life the way I want them to be?

My Birthday is in a little over two weeks. I tried to plan a Wendover trip but not many people can make it. Leslie and Ben will be in Minnesota, Dustin and Laura will be gone too. Even Vern might not be able to come. It's just going to be me and Tyrell. That's if I can scrounge up some money to even go. I might as well forget it.

I hate feeling so depressed. I hate how crazy and stressed my life is right now. I need something to do besides sit at home.

A new house

I am so excited. I finally get to move into a nice house. Vern and I went and talked to the couple that are renting out there three bedroom, two and a half bathroom, two car garage town house. It's located just north/west of Jordan Landing. We arranged a security deposit already. We move in during the last week of September. I'm so excited!!! The house is only four years old. There is so much room. The master bed and bath are bigger then most. I get to have my first walk in closet. It's so big I could put a bed in it!!! The neighborhood is great, the people seam nice. The best part we'll be closer to more friends and family. The bad part is I'm going to be farther from my parents and my best friend. It will be a great year!!!

Im addicted

I'm officially addicted to Anime!! First of all I love cartoons. I always have. But Anime is so much more interesting. So far I've watched all of the Full Metal Alchemist, Ikkitousen ( up to date anyway) And now I've started Death Note.

I'm also addicted to Avatar The Last Air Bender. An American made Anime. The third and final season is Finlay over. It was amazing!! I knew how it was going to end but there were just some specific details I never expected!! The way the Fire Lord was defeated. Wow it was something I didn't even think could be done by the Avatar. Zuko was amazing. His bending has really exceeded in power. The end results were so exhilarating.

Let's just say I'm a fanatic. I know its strange but it's more common these days to like Anime!! I'm to a point to where I'll pay and extra $20 a month on cable just to get the Anime channel.

This weekend

Vern's dad has invited us up to Rock Springs for the weekend. All expenses paid. We don't have much money it being the end of the month and all. We'll leave tomorrow when I get home from work. Then that night we'll most likely go to Applebees or Coyote Creek for dinner then to a bar afterwords. Then on Sunday its a day at the lake with wave runners!!! I'm so excited!! I'll be trashed Sunday night but hope fully I can make it to Piper Down to karaoke with Becky.

It's going to be another event full weekend!!!

Family Reunion

This past weekend Vern and I went down to Kadacome Basin for his family reunion. My dad came with us along with Preston. (I wasn't about to leave him alone all weekend) My niece Cadence came as well. We left Friday and got there late. We set up camp and I passed out with the little ones. On Saturday I woke early with the dogs and the Babies. I made breakfast and when everyone was finally awake we meet up withe the other family's and set off on a hike. We made it back to camp and the kids and I took a nap. We mad sandwiches for lunch.

Saturday night we had the famous Dutch Oven cook off. Summer and I made a dish we got from her mom. It took two hours to cook and at the end everyone loved it. We tied for first and plays Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine the winner. We won! after that we had the talent show. I left early and took the kids to bed. I fell asleep too.

Sunday we all gathered back together to make a huge Breakfast. Bacon, eggs, hash browns. and Pancakes. Yum!! We left shortly after that. Dad the kids and I left first. We were not even an hour out when some ones cooler lid hit our car. It would have been a horrible accident if dad hadn't reacted the way he did. We were very thankful that we had said a prayer before we left. The kids slept through the whole thing. We got home around five and i was asleep by seven. Taking car of two toddlers all weekend out in the blistering hot sun is tuff work.

My Crazy Family

Well this past month has been a doosey for me. My mother decided to move out of her house and take my brother with her. She's left all the house responsibilities to my dad. She wont help with the payment or help fix the house so they can sell it. She doesn't even care if she looses money on it. She is still smoking and partying. It really bothers me that she acts like a single 20 year old. She never listens to what we have to say so I guess we have to wait and see what she does with her life.

My brother is doing well despite of all the things that are happening. He has picked up extra shifts at work and spends all his free time at the high school football meets that have just started. He loves helping them out. I still feel that he is harboring his feelings.

Carissa is surprisingly doing quite well. She has started dating my friend Chris. He is an amazing guy. He has a football player build and is about six foot. A buckle at your knees smile and a gold metal personality. He is a professional BMXer and has a full time job as well. He really likes my sister and spends as much time with her as she can. He is so great with my nephew. Though Preston still isn't sure what to think of him.

Dad on the other had isn't holding himself together well. He breaks down easily and talks about my mom all the time. He looks to me for support and encouragement. He's been talking suicidal but claims he's still here because of Preston. I honestly don't think he could take his own life and hurt us that way. I pray for his happiness everyday.

All in all I really hope things work out soon so we all can go back to being happy with each other.

Update on Vern and I

Well lets see, Vern and I have been doing great. We're still going strong and heve been getting along great. I finally got my car back from Wes, It's so clean now and smells good. If only I can get vern to put a radio in it. Vern has new hours at work. He starts at 7:30 now and he can get off as early as 5:00. Its nice to see him more often. I also have a new schedule. I finaly have all my saturdays off and only work every other sunday. This way I get to see Vern more often.

Vern got his breaks on his bike fixed and has been ridding non stop. He has been so much happier this past month. His dad has moved back to Rock Springs and is down here all the time. It really makes Vern happy to see him so much. His dad seams happier too. He finally gets a chance to get to know me better and to see his granddaughter as well.

We're working on selling our truck, but so far it's not going well. My sister has it right now cause she is careless. She really needs to just go back to work and buy her own. But, the good sister I am I'm letting her be lazy.

Vern had a job interview last Friday. He said it went well. I really hope he gets it. I'm very tired of his job now. He doesn't make enough money all the time and his boss is an ass hole. His job stresses him out too much. This new job would make our life so much easier. He would bring home three times as much money and work less hours. All I can do is pray he gets it.

I'm sorry

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but I don't think I've ever hurt Vern like this. I was selfish and rude. I don't know who I've turned into. I feel horrible and stupid. I can't believe I did what I did. I hate feeling like this. All I can do now is say that I'm sorry for what I did and hope he forgives me.

What a weekend

The past four days have been a little different for me. It started out great on Friday when me and Les went to our long time school friend Amanda's Bridal/Baccalaureate party. It was a blast!! I miss hanging out with all my high school girlfriends. Well a few drinks later and a call to my mom I was waking up in her spare bedroom early Saturday morning. What a night that was. No hang over by the way.

After an hour I drove myself home to cuddle with Vern and fell back asleep. I woke up at noon to find out that my dad never came home last night and no one had heard from him. My parents have been going through a tuff time lately. They had been in a fight Friday night and my dad just up and left.

I got off the phone with mom and began making brunch burritos. They were awesome!! My brother ended up coming over later and we all hung out. We went bowling with Wes (my brother in law) his girlfriend Natalie and his friend Colt. I sucked as usual and Ryan kicked some butt!! When we got home John, a friend of Vern's, wanted us to head over to Wing Coop and have a bite with him. As well as my mother calling back to say my dad was home and that see was leaving him for good. I stayed strong for her on the phone then cried after. I was hurt and frustrated. I called Leslie to talk to her. She always knows how to call me down and put everything into perspective. At Wing Coop, we watched friend do the 11 challenge. I think I would die if I attempted it. Back home again to watch a movie then headed to bed.

Sunday was hard for me and my brother. My mom called and told me that her and my dad were on their way to pick up Ryan. With the way things were going he was a little nervous and didn't want to go home yet. I think he was a little scared of my dad or he just wanted to be away from all the hurt and anger of my parents. When they got to my house I talked with them. My dad was so hurt he cried with anger and said some rude things. My mom was sad and didn't understand how Ryan was feeling. I think I cried for a good hour after that. My dad had hurt me for no reason. He also blamed me for the way my mom was acting. My mom had said nothing. She had brought me into the middle of their fight and it was hurting me more then they were hurting themselves. I told them that I was done talking about their problems and I didn't want to here it anymore.

Vern couldn't see Ryan and I hurt so he took us swimming. I was fun but kicked my ass. My arms still hurt. I did get some sun though. Back home after that for movies then bed.

Monday was better. My parents apologized to me and Ryan for the way they were acting. Its hard to see them hurt like this. I'm not sure how to handle this. Ryan hides it till he can't any more and Carissa just shows anger as usual. We are all hurting right now and it's just not fair.

I'm just glad the weekend is over. I love my family and I hope we can be happy soon.

A First Accomplishment

I have finally done the unthinkable, well for me anyway. Vern is very proud of me for doing so. I have played and finish my first real RPG game. Kingdom Hearts II. Its a game made in Japan or China. It took me 38 long hours to do so but I did it.

I feel like a twelve year old geek. I am however a little proud of myself if I might add. I borrowed the game a month ago from a friend and finished two day ago. The story line was great the characters awesome.

The game is the second of two stories. I start out playing Roxas. A confused 15 year old. He keeps having dreams that seam so real. He finds out that he has another half. a second soul you might say. The boy in his dreams is Sora who is his real self. Roxas is considered a Nobody. He was made when Sora lost his heart. Roxas stayed in human form because Kairi Sora's love gave Sora her heart and Sora gave her his. Kairi also has a Nobody named Nomine. She too is just like Roxas but knows where she came from unlike Roxas. The story then changes back to Sora and he sets out destroying Heartless and their Nobodies. Sora and Kairi would have become Heartless if they had not done what they did for each other. Riku is a friend of Sora who has been lost for some time and Kairi gets kidnapped by the Organization XIII. A group of Nobodies who seek the Kingdom hearts. To make a long story short Sora finds Riku rescues Kairi and Joins his soul with Roxas as Kiari joins back with Nomine.

Good times right.

More Babies

There always has to be someone pregnant in my life. Not only to I work with a few woman that are getting ready to have their first child. I also have two friends of the family that are pregnant and a soon to be aunt.

My baby hunger is extremely bad right now and there is nothing I can do about it. It's so bad it is effecting my job.(For those of you who don't know I work at LDS hospital in Salt Lake on the Maternity-Newborn floor.) I can't give a baby his/her first bath anymore because i start crying. It's very hard to feed a baby a bottle now too. I work the grave shift so feeding a baby happens more often then during the day.

Vern doesn't quite understand how I feel about starting a family. All he cares about right now is what he wants. He tells me that he just wants to make sure our kids get what they want when they want (after they work for it of course) and have fantastic Christmas's. He worries too much about money and I'm ready to fall apart here. I'm so down about his negativity towards children I'm afraid it will start affecting our marriage soon.

Am I being the selfish one here? Am I asking Vern too much of him at this time in our lives. I some times feel that deep down he does not want kids at all. What should I do. Just wait it out and hope he'll be ready soon? Or should I take action upon myself.

There is a saying that a woman knows when she is ready to have a baby, even before pregnancy. A man is never ready until the day the baby is born. Would this be my case. Would Vern be upset if we were to get pregnant unplanned. Then once the baby was here would he be happy and ready?

My Best Friend

What is it that makes a friend? Is it the same age you are or different ages? Is it that you have the same likes and interest? Or would you say that its all the above and that you just get along? I believe friends are much much more.

To say you are friends is a very easy term. But, how would you determine a best friend or a life long friend. I'll tell you now that its not easy finding a person to qualify for this title. Some people it may be and they may know right away. Others, however, have a difficult time. Would you say that if it comes easy is it meant to be, or if its hard is it meant to be.

For me it took awhile to truly say that I have a best friend. When I met her I found that out of all my friends we got along the best. About the beginning of out ninth grade year I started to realize that not only did I like her the best but I depended on her. She no longer lived right down the street from me. I had moved as well as she had. We were now a good ten min drive away instead of a ten min walk.

It also happened to take her some time to figure out that I was the one to truly be there forever and to be considered her best friend. She had already had a best friend when we meet but as high school took place she lost that connection and we began growing together more and more.

Describing a best friend is very easy to me now that she has been my best friend for ten years now. She is honest, trust worthy, blunt, gives advice, takes advice, is always there when I need her and knows I'm always there when she needs me. She's beautiful, poetic, creative, independent and vulnerable at the same time, loving, and cheerful. She always knows how to tell it how it is yet comfort me at the same time. I choose her because she fills the best friend category perfectly. She puts her family first. We consider each other the sister we never had, but if we were I'm sure we would but heads as sisters do.

Even though we are so close we do fight just like any two people would. We have grown different and together over the years. I can say that we will grow old together and live out our last days side by side.

Leslie Clift (Day) you are this person and I can't ever imagine my life with out you no matter how things go between us. I love you with all my heart and I will for all eternity.

~This is for you to have forever, My feelings written for you to read for any reason at any time you need.

A Beautiful Bride

Yesterday the twenty-fourth of at 4:30pm my cousin Hailey said "I do" to Eric Poole. She stood at the alter in a ravishing dark eggshell Fairy Godmother Dress. She look so elegant and happy. Yet she was very calm with bright red cheeks and a small laughter here and there.

My husband Vern stared with disbelief that his favorite was tying the knot as we so did two years ago. Not liking her now new husband he prayed in his heart that she would be happy for the rest of her life and there after.

The ceremony and reception after were delightful and fun. Pictures seamed to take up most of the night. Vern was so adamant to have just us four taken. He even requested a copy that he would happily pay for.

As the night went on Hailey still glowing as she did when walked down the aisle father in hand. To see her shine as she did made me feel very ecstatic. Very often did I see her dull and unhappy. Knowing that she is loved by a seemingly great guy pleases everyone that knows her. The actual engagement was a very surprising affair to everyone. Especially to a friend of mine who had taken her on a few dates not long before.

All in all it was s joyous day that filled every ones heart with love and gratitude of their other halves.

~Love to all who has a special someone.

Camping

As the days get longer and the heat rises its time to bring out the traditional exersise of camping! You know your excited when the night is just not cold enough anymore to keep you out of the fresh air mountain greens.

This weekend is going to be the first of many trips this year. I can tell you this im way too excited. I can barely hold still just thinking about it. It's also going to be my puppys first time!! Ten months old and I cant wait to get him up there. Now my three year old has gone many a times and he loves chasing all the squrals!!
Happy Camping season to you all.

Mothers Day

As most of you know today is mothers day. I would like to express my gratitude to all mothers especially my own. My dear ole mother is close to my heart. I think about her all the time. We rarely get to see each other anymore, as we get older other things seam to be a priority unlike when I was still under her roof. If I were however to see her all the time I think it would be too much. As much as I love her she has changed as have I. We agree a lot more on things but she always has to put her two cents in about my life. Don't get me wrong I'm not bashing on her, nearly expressing my feeling.

Let's be honest, who here cant live with out their mothers. Not me, not even my husband, or any of my friends at that. Mothers are the best beings there are. No one cares more does more for anyone then mothers. They cherish their children and in a lot of cases put them before their other half.

I'm not a mother, yet. But I already fill like one. I take care of two beautiful boxer boys and my husband. I've had a lot of practice and I'm ready for the real thing. I cant wait to see the big blue eyes of our future baby. To hold it and love it and watch it grow and love me back. I can't wait for the painful times and the great times. Being a mother is an honor and I wish to enjoy it soon.

That Time of Year

It so happens to be that time of year here in Utah. Where Mother Nature just seams to not decide if she wants it to be Winter still or move into Spring and Summer. We have had a few days of very nice warm but cool weather. This morning however is very chilly with frost every where. It also has snowed on the past few days! Can she not get it straight. It's spring for heaven sakes and Summer is just weeks away.
I want it to be warm. I'm not one for snow on the ground when I go camping!!! Still it is a typical Utah thing. Winter just has to linger. There is a fraze we have " There is two seasons in Utah, Winter and Construction!" Neither ever stop around here.

Bad Day

So as you may not know I work the grave yard shift at LDS Hospital here in Salt Lake. I tend to sleep during the day, today however was not that case. I also have a second job working for a friend in home health.
Well I went to see my morning patient which I'm not supposed to have but went anyway. Then I spent 30 min listening to my friend complain about her roommate who had friends over the night before. Well one of those friends happened to be my husband. She was telling me how loud and belligerent they were and how the cops got called at one in the morning. i was quite upset with my husband. After talking to him come to find out that my friend rounded out the corners to not make anwone mad.
Anyway that started the bad day out. I get back home and clean a little do laundry and planned on taking a nap. Well I had seamed to forget about a work meeting I had that evening at 5:30 up at the hospital. It went for TWO HOURS!!! When I got back home at 8:00 I was tired and hungry well at 8:05 I get a phone call asking where I was cause I was not at one of my patients houses. I had completely forgot about my night patients I had to see. So I quickly leave and don't get home till quarter to 11. I'm still hungry and tired I might add. So i fix me something to eat and take a two hour nap. Now I sit here trying to stay awake so I can sleep tomorrow during the day.
All in all that was a bad day!!

Sick

Have you ever worked so hard that you make yourself sick? That your so tired and your immune system says "ok i've had enough"? Well that seames to be happening at our house. First Vern started to get sick, sore thoat and cough along with an achey tightness behind his ear. Just to give you an idea Vern works five to six days a week 11 to 14 hours a day. Thats alot of hours right? Well doc said here's some antibiotics come back if it doesnt get better. He started to get better but his cough persisted. We decided he needed to take a break and have a relaxing weekend and just enjoy himself. So he took a few days of. Needless to say he got better.
Now I am starting to come down with something. I've been working two jobs to make up for me loosing hours at my full time job. I wasn't expecting to be so tired all the time. I usually get in about 25 hours at my regular job and 15-20 at my second job. Well since I started my second job I've been pulling in all my hours at my first job, they're grave yard shifts at that. I also have been asked to pick up some extra hours at my second job too. So i work a total of 60 hours a week. Something I'm not used to doing. Now as I sit here writting this blog I feel like crap! My whole head hurts my neck and back ache and I have some pressure in my chest and it all just keeps getting worse.
All I have to say that this past month has been hell at our house and I hope you all sont have to experience it!!